Yesterday I got dumped by my boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months. He told me that he was not ready for the next step, and that I deserved someone that wanted to want to do these things with me. Let me back up to about 2 weeks ago....
Driving to my apartment on my one hour lunch break, from Irving to Lewisville, I rushingly fed my cat and grabbed a uniform for my 2nd job that evening. With 25 minutes to and from my work and apartment, I used that small window of time that I had to do my tasks and get back to work. In my flustered panic, I left my food for the next morning on top of my car. Naturally, I drove away. Shit flew, everywhere. Whatever. I just sighed, and stared at my phone. I decided, "I'm texting Matt. I'm telling him we need to talk." So I anxiously wrote up the text, stared at it some more, and then just pressed send. When you live in Lewisville, work in irving, work your 2nd job in Dallas, attend dance class and have a 'serious boyfriend that loves you' in Addison, it can be taxing on your energy, timeliness and overall sanity. You see where I'm going with this... ?
So, I sent the text, and in response I got "Talk about, what..." I bet when men see "we need to talk" in any variation or sentance arrangement, their asses tuck under. You know, like a little dog that knows he's in trouble. Guilty fools. Lucky for him, my 'talk' wasnt out of the ordinary or agressive in any way, truly. Because honestly, I have made an effort to be very open minded and calm in this relationship as an effort to work with our age difference. He is 31, i'm 22. You'd think what happened later on, wouldn't have happened.
So after I drop the 'Let's move in' bomb, I made sure to cover all my bases. I was approaching him from a financial but mostly CONVENIENCE standpoint. Consider my living situation, and consider our lifestyle. We usually had spent 4-5 nights a week together, and recently cut it down to 3-4 beecuase of my insane schedule. My angle was that if we moved in together, I could spend my mere 3 hours an evening with him preparing for my week, instead of having to cram my chores, tasks and hobbies in at the same time. I told myself and friends that if by June (8 whole months from now, YES 8 WHOLE MONTHS) he hadn't decided 'Yes' or 'No', I would have to decide No for him. Cut throat, I know. But I got shit to do, so, what can ya do.
In his response to my request, he was hesitant. I figured he would be, considering I had to call him out on it. (Bad sign, by the way.) I listed the good things and the things we would have to work on in a pretty well documented email, and honesetly when I wrote it, I felt like I was submitting my resume to some outrageous job that I would never land. Basically, I was scared of failure.
Imagine an apple, lodged in the back of your throat. That's the only way I can describe how I felt when we were emailing back and forth, I just knew it was unraveling and that today would be the day that i'll have to just eat shit and take what's being thrown at me. You know somethings rough when you have to be your own mental coach. Don't act like you don't know what i'm talking about.. 'I just feel like you deserve someone that wants to do those things with you, and I'm just holding you back. You should come get your things, and please only plan on making one trip.' That's what I get after almost two years of straight up devotion, love and energy. At first, I bawled, for about 5 minutes. Then I took a step back and looked at it from a better angle...
You mean, I don't have to drive everywhere, and be belittled and have a finger waving in my face anymore? You mean, now I can aactually do what I want to do on my own schedule?
Of course, as a woman, I had to go there. So, I asked "Did you cheat on me?". "No. I was talking to girls, sure. But that's not cheating."
If you know me, you know what my family been through. We do not take cheating lightly. I saw red, and that's the moment that I knew I was fine. He just proved me to be the man on top, afterall. I would never do anything behind his back, that I didn't feel comfortable enough saying to his smug little face.
Don't get me wrong, I loved Matt, but man do I breathe easier now... I'm getting over it, and I'm going to be okay.
More man hating to come.
No comments:
Post a Comment