Weighing the Pro's and Con's

Saturday evening I went to my friend Ryan’s house to catch up on some beer pong to practice for the new year’s party the following week. I always love going over there, because no matter what bull shit I’ve encountered in my day I can walk into Ryan’s house and be in a better mood almost instantaneously. Between good friends, good music and alcohol it’s hard not to cheer up a little.

“Dude it’s been like, 2 years since you two have seen each other” Ryan noted regarding his friend Charlie and I. Charlie and I hadn’t seen each other in quite a while due to different schedules and whatever else, so we were catching up a little.

“I know, I’ve been in a relationship and had my head up someone’s butt for almost 2 years” I replied. It was true, and frankly I didn’t know how far my head was wedged up there until I was able to pry myself away and relearn what fresh air tasted like. We exchanged some of the brief usual “how do you do’s” before taking some fruity, um… I mean masculine shot Ryan had concocted for us to throw back.

“So uh, I read your blog! I loved it, it was really funny” Charlie said, and gave me a high-five. This really surprised me primarily because it was coming from a guy. Who read my blog. Weird. But I liked it! So now that I know that I have the men’s attention, I’m curious to see what I could get away will saying that would also intrigue them enough to keep reading. I’d have to throw in some cleavage pictures to entice and retain their attention without a doubt-they’re so easily amused by boobs.



Looking back at my post “Ripping off the band-aid”, I’m forced to revisit a life experience of mine that has impacted a part of who I am in many different ways. In reflection toward my past relationship, I initially tend to recall all the positive qualities. The nostalgia wears thin as I am overcome with shame and confusion in reminiscence of his lies, and situations where I proved my naivety and young age.

“Have you and Matt contacted one another since the breakup?” People always ask. My first reaction to that is always ‘What good would that do.’ Seriously? What good would it do? I would be lying if I said I don’t contemplate potential dialogue between Matt and I about the pain he’s inflicted upon me. In the car, when I’m jamming to the Glitch Mob, from time to time I will illustrate the perfect conversation where I put Matt in his place for what he’s done, bringing to light his lack of faith and ambition which exhausted me deeply on a regular basis.

To satisfy your craving of self-gratification in knowing that I am indeed human and woman, yes I miss the good things about being in a relationship. I feel as if the emotions and advantages of being in a loving relationship were ripped and stolen from me, creating a sudden outpouring of love, that I once directed towards someone. And now that someone is gone. But what I continue to replay in the back of my mind are the facts that brought me to where I am today: He moved on, so must I. He found someone new, So must I. Even if he did get a running head start and find that ‘someone new’ while we were still together. Yeah, there’s that…

So even though I miss having someone to walk in the door to, cook dinner for, and talk lovingly to when I’ve had a rough day, I don’t miss devoting my heart to an unresponsive and disrespectful man child. Sure, I’d love knowing that I have a kiss and a hug waiting at home for me upon my arrival, but I’d rather open my apartment door to a cat and a blank canvas before I settle for a life of sugar coated ridicule and belittlement.

So while I’m redirecting my old love into new, and improved self-love, please take a moment in your near future to indulge yourself in my life experiences. I very much enjoy sharing the awkward and raw moments of my life with the avid reading little blood suckers in the blogosphere.